Reader: What is the point of all this?
Author: I feel so confident of my sexuality that I can waste the reader's time by rating the skate hunks.
Recently though, some truly beautiful examples of the human form have appeared within our culture. You only have to flick on ESPN to see Dylan 'dreamboat' Rieder wiping sweat from his perfectly formed brow, or Paul 'perfection' Rodriguez hiding his immaculate face under his Mountain Dew cap so that the less fortunate skaters on today's contest circuit are not put off their stroke.
These beautiful young things are not just contained to Rob Dydek's private wankbank, some are available for your viewing pleasure whilst simply and aesthetically cruising the streets. Have you seen Alex Olsen lately?! That brooding piece of ribeye steak can be found hopping lengthways over your local picnic table dressed as a non pirate version of Johnny Depp on the reg.
I realise that 'Team Handsome' has been touched by Rob Brink, but I feel a deeper, more in-depth review needed to be done to give these delicious specimens the credit that their perfect genes deserve.
So, without delay, here is a full breakdown of today's most beautiful skateboarders.
Enrique Lorenzo - 7.5/10
Dylan Rieder - 7/10
After a shaky start in the skate world, it is now not only acceptable to like Sheckler, but almost essential. Sure as a 3 year old pro and 6 year old TV star, he was more cute than hunky, but today the still dangerously young (but delectably legal) Ryan has sculpted himself into the almost godlike San Clemente man that we know and love. With chiselled good looks, vicious skin art and abs you could grate cheese on, it bewilders me that this gnarly rail 360flip lipslider, with thousands of screaming fans, still can't find a chill girl!
Ryan Sheckler 8/10
Jovontae Turner - 7.5/10
Gino Iannucci - 8/10
Spencer Hamilton - 8.5/10
Oh and I don't want to dilute this article with any pesky skate talk, but if you are reading this, Rob - you know we all want another part from you. I know you want to go out on top and possibly believe in the back of your mind that you couldn't better your previous efforts, but a single line consisting of a nose slide pop out, a 360flip and a nice manual would more than suffice. Just chuck some gloves on your hands and a ciggy in your mouth and I'll be content for another decade.
Rob Welsh - 7.5/10
A textbook dreamboat whose looks can be enjoyed even more in 3D.
Alex Olson - 8/10
Brian Hansen - 6.5/10
Kenny Anderson - 8.5/10
Sewa Kroetkov - 7.5/10
Paul Rodriguez - 7.5/10
Mark Appleyard - 7.5/10
Other notable skate hunks worthy of a mention include Alphonso Rawls (who has been holding down a steady hunk factor for the past two and half decades - his arms just get better with age), Kane Sheckler (something for the younger generation or pedophiles amongst the skate community), Scott Oster and Christian Hosoi (both deserve a longevity award for staying beautiful throughout some long and turbulent times), Peter Bici (discovered before I could get my hands on him and modelled throughout the 90s), and other current skaters who sit just on the cusp of full scale skhunkiness - Jake Johnson, Leo Romero and Chad TimTim spring to mind, keep up the good work lads and sleep easy knowing that you almost made the list.
If anyone has someone else to add, feel free to leave some suggestions in the comment section.