With two sick Thrasher covers, a SOTY nomination, his first pro model and a fucking ridiculous part under his belt all in just over a year, Dane Burman is undeniably one of the most insane skateboarders on the planet right now. Whilst recently over in New Zealand on a Volcom tour we managed to lock down an interview with Dane. We didn't want to miss anything, so we sent our most senior reporter to delve deep and ask him all the questions that the world is dying to know.
Loaded up on the unlimited alcohol that Volcom had kindly provided - Johnny Agnew sat down with Dane in a dingy nightclub behind Auckland's Karangahape Road. The following is what he came back with:
Alright, so first question, what’s the zero in Zero stand for?
The letter ‘O’ at the end of the word. I don't think it stands for anything it’s just the way you spell it.
That’s a good answer. When was the last time you wanked?
I can’t remember, probably about a couple of days before I came over here so it would be like five or six days ago.
Yeah, I would say six days ago.
Great so are you circumcised or uncircumcised?
Ahhh, me personally or what I’d prefer to have?
That's my boy.
Fantastic, so it's all there?
Do you have a jumanji or do you shave that shit?
I just keep it trimmed so somewhere in the middle.
Lovely, same as me. Do you ever just walk down stairs or do you always take the handrail?
In my house, my rail goes into a wall so I just walk down them but the rails probably easiest most other times.
Last book you read?
Ooooh, I haven’t read a book for a while to be honest, I have some in my room at home that I’ve already read but I haven’t been back into them for a while. I’m going to say a couple of months at least, maybe three or four months.
Which side of the glory hole would you rather be on?
The giving side I’m guessing.
I thought that would be your answer.
Well I’m not going to catch anything on that fucking side.
Is there any reason you didn’t go right to the end of that massive handrail that you 5050 on the cover of Transworld?
I never had a Transworld cover.
Oh well, OK, fuck Transworld. The massive handrail on the cover of Thrasher that goes to the big bomb drop. Is there any reason you didn't go around all the way down?
Umm, I’m not an ambi-turner, I can’t turn right – I can only go left or straight so I just had to go straight off the end.
These are going well, your answers are bang on. What are your thoughts on Davo?
Davo’s the man. I had to un-friend him on Facebook though because he reposted too many fucking shit skateboarders that I couldn’t stand seeing on his Facebook so I un-friended him.
Did you actually un-friend him?
Yeah, I told him I would.
If you weren’t skateboarding what would you be doing?
I’ve been asked that a lot, I dunno, probably doing something shit. When I was in High School I wanted to be a Herpetologist which is someone who works with reptiles and things – I thought that was pretty cool but I’m a skateboarder instead so I don't know.
Yep. “Fuck off with your photos, Mapstone.”
OK, I saw Jamie Thomas back in 1999 at Huntington Beach skate park skating in bare feet. He was bleeding and shit. Have you ever thought about doing a line with your dick out?
Ummm, I’ve taken photos with my dick out before.
So dick’s been out?
Dick's been out.
So in terms of vagina, do you like a bush, a waxed fanny or somewhere in between?
If I have to pick, I’ll go waxed or a nice fresh shave but I don’t mind a little bit of hair there.
Same here. Describe your dancing style.
Fuck, I don't really have one. If I have to dance I just do whatever it takes to get me into the bedroom you know, no longer than needed.
The girl you introduced me to on Instagram the other day shoves a lot of things up her pussy and bum hole, how did you come across her?
You just have to know the right hashtags and you find a plethora of those girls, there’s so many of them on there so yeah, just find the hashtag and you’ll be good.
Thanks for that. Mail or email?
I’m a big fan of email - I’ve got email.
Have you ever cup caked yourself?
I probably have, I’m not going to lie – I’m sure I’ve done it.
Abba or Abbos?
What was the first one?
I think Abba – Abba’s tight. There’s that one dude in there who looks like David Spade.
I know the guy.
If you had five minutes alone with Justin Bieber, how would you spend that precious five minutes?
I’d get him to give me an Instagram shout out.
Does Leigh Bolton fart in his sleep?
No but he was snoring last night after talking shit on people all day that snore and I had to throw shit at him to wake him up.
How many press ups can you do?
Ah, fuck, not many. I have to do them on my knuckles because my left wrist is fucked so I’m going to say like ten maybe.
Fair enough. How many poos a day?
Just one a day?
One is good. You ride 8.5inch decks?
Yeah I do.
How does your dick compare to that size?
Not even close, I’m not touching the sides.
If you were a Beatle, which one would you be?
I’m going to go Ringo – I think the chicks like Ringo the most.
What about Guns and Roses?
I like Axel and I also drinking which I know you don’t. This is the question I really don't give a fuck if you answer so by all means tell me to fuck off. Why don't you drink?
I don't like it.
I like that.
Final question. What do you think of me?
Good dude, big fan.
Hey thanks you so much for your time bro, that’s it – that’s a wrap. Really appreciate it. Love your work.