THE SEARCH FOR ANIMAL CHIN
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it - fucking every dog and his dog skates these days. Whilst Muckmouth is a very inclusive site (we recently made a post about liking Ryan Sheckler and have even written Nyjah's name a few times), sometimes we can't ignore terrible skateboarding - especially if it gets mad views on the internet. We are all about skating for fun, but when a pigeon mongo pushes towards a mobbed out kickflip or a slug sketchily front boards a rail, I can't help but think they'd be more competent skateboarders if they were human.
We planned on trying to find the best skanimal on the planet, but after extensive research we found that all fucking suck. Apart from the lead actor in MVP2 of course, that primate is tight.
So anyway, for all the girls out there that think that cats are cute, or that small dogs are the best things in the world, think again - they might be good to take to the coffee shop in your handbag or spoon at night when no boy wants to be with you, but you should see these cretins at the skatepark - they are a fucking menace!
The amount of times I have been snaked by a snake or gorilla gripped over by a gorilla is just ridiculous. These animals must be stopped! Reluctantly we made a montage of these talentless fucks, purely to show you just how useless they really are.
Behold, the mighty skate animals!
Oh yeah, Bulldogs are the best. Bullshit. Even the one in the old Powell videos sucked. This prick can't even get all his paws on the board at one time. Dribbling little loser.
You'd think squirrels would be comfortable in trees, but oh no, not this prick. Holding on to a twig like the pussy he is. At least he's not pushing mongo I guess.
Oooh, hedgehogs are cute. Not when they are maliciously skating without even looking where they are going they are not! You won't think he's so cute when he mows down your grandma when she's out shopping.
This prat isn't even heavy enough to perform the nose manual he is trying. Give it up bunny, you suck. Stick to the carrots you little fuck and leave the skating to the big boys.
He has all paws on, which is a good start, but again he has no etiquette for other skaters. Kittens are the plague of skateparks, and every skateboarders nightmare. They usually wear helmets too.
Whilst I feel a bit sorry for this fat old fuck, and he is giving it a good go - this is the last thing you want when getting ready for a skate sesh. 'Hey boys, are we ready to go?' - 'Nah Terry Tortoise still hasn't even showered'. Fuck that. Too slow terry.
Oh fuck off.
Probably the best skaters of all the animals, but budgies are fucking cheats. The amount of times I've seen one sneaking into a high air comp and blasting over Hosoi's head is ridiculous.
In summary, animals suck at skating.