WOMEN CAN't SKATEBOARD
Nyjah 'Misodge' Huston
Although some argue that it is a meritocracy in the world of skateboarding, women clearly have it harder than almost anyone; they have to deal with a plethora of gender disparities that make an already difficult hobby, even more of a cunt. Despite this, girls have been killing it on skateboards since the 'sport' was birthed from its filthy surfing parents. In 2015 there are too many amazing female skaters to even start to list, so at risk of enraging the internet feminazis by leaving countless incredible riders out of this compilation, here is a brief history of some of the best broads on boards.
As the fifties ended, skateboarding was evolving, they were still skating a piece of two by four with skates nailed on it, but they were starting to carve those suckers up. Linda Benson was a goofy footed beast, while most women of the era were living a sickeningly domesticated existence, Linda was destroying big waves and shredding concrete carparks; she dominated women’s surfing for ten years, but who cares about that water baby shit. It was a few years before the GoPro dropped so there is a distinct shortage of photographs featuring Linda skating, but apparently she ripped; her signature skateboard was shaped like... you guessed it, a surfboard.
The sixties was a tranquil time in skateboarding, it was closer to figure skating than the death defying activity it soon developed into, kick turns and nose wheelies got you paid and laid without the risk of actual injury so skating was an equal opportunity employer. Patti McGee was the first ever female professional skater; when she got on the cover of Life Magazine in ’65 it was a coming out party for the skateboard, the incredible wooden toy was thrust into the mainstream and the hula hoop had a contender for the Christmas list. Life described the new invention as “the most exhilarating and dangerous joyriding device this side of the hot rod” Mrs McGee confirmed this as she set the world record for the fastest girl on a skateboard at 47mph... that is 75 kilometres per hour and that’s on a death cookie sixties board. Fucking badass.
The seventies was an exciting metamorphosis for skateboarding, urethane wheels changed the game and that flat ground ballerina shit was replaced with pools and vert. Thanks in part to a lax interpretation of the word 'boy', Peggy Oki became the only female Z-Boy, one of the most influential groups in the history of skateboarding. When she entered her first comp in 1975 the other female contestants complained it wasn’t fair because she skated too much like a boy, salty little bitches.
If you skated in the eighties and owned a penis, Lori Rigsby was your dream girl. She had a part in the Powell Peralta video Public Domain and a cameo in the Godfather of skateboard movies The Search for Animal Chin. Lori was an ambassador for women on wheels, brushing off the misogynistic environment - she smacked out serious skateboard tricks. The era was almost entirely male dominated and female skaters were few and far between, but Lori ripped vert, mini ramp and pools like Mike McGill with breasts.
With vert dead and buried, the 90’s meant another evolutionary leap for skating; even little wheels and big pants couldn’t stop the explosion of progress. Elissa fucking OWNED women’s skateboarding, her accomplishments include being the first female pro street skater, having the first legit female skate part in Welcome to Hell, being the first female in the THPS video game series, getting the first female pro shoe, winning four X-Games gold medals, and becoming the first professional skateboarder to be openly bisexual... Ed Templeton being the second.
When you get past her cringingly hyphenated moniker, Lyn-Z is a phenomenon. During her reign of terror in the 2000’s she fucked shit up in street, vert and bowl divisions, in both male and female competitions, winning more shiny medals than Usain Bolt at the Special Olympics. She was the first female to skate the DC Mega Ramp and the first to land a McTwist. She has now created two tiny humans with the seed of Travis Pastrana, they were both sponsored by Monster Energy as soon as they exited the vagina.
Two hat prayers short of being the P-Rod of women’s skateboarding, it’s no surprise that Leticia became the first female to be sponsored by Nike SB. After moving to LA from Brazil at age 14 to pursue a skateboarding career, Leticia blew the fuck up. She has a super solid style which she stomps on every terrain - big rails, stairs, ramp, bowl... all that skateboarding stuff. Now a triple X Games gold medallist, Leticia has become the poster girl for skateboarding. You’ve gotta give it to the Brazilians, they are excellent at murdering and skateboarding.
In 2013 Minna became the first ever girl to win the California Amateur Skateboard League series; in 2014 at the King of the Groms contest she became the first ever girl to win an open event (beginner mini ramp), to win a best all round award, to make the finals in three events (street, mini ramp & bowl) and to make the top five in the street skating. She is crazy good... and she is eight years old. Minna has ridden Tony Hawk's private ramp, Bob Burnquists dreamland and even Bucky Laseks wincingly named “Lasek Land”.