THE WORLD INDUSTRIES SECRETARY - BY EARL PARKER

If you didn't grow up in the era of when Big Brother Magazine hit the scene, I feel sorry for you. As a youngster, there was nothing better. These days, pornography, funny articles, hot girls and skateboarding are just a click away - but in the early 90s, these were all found in different places and all were pretty hard to get hold of. When Big Brother appeared at our local shop, everyone was instantly obsessed. Everything you wanted to see and read, all in one place. Add to that, it usually had a skateboarder on the cover, so your mum wouldn't know that you were spending all night looking at tits.
Booze, drugs, girls and of course the best skateboarding were all found in the this constantly evolving masterpiece. The different shapes and sizes that the magazine came in didn't make for a tidy book shelf, but Rocco and the team didn't give a fuck about your OCD.
Sean Cliver, Jeff Tremaine, Marc McKee, Pat Canale, Chris Nieratko and many others all made names for themselves within this uncensored paradise. Another unorthodox genius who went under the nom de plume of Earl Parker wrote for Big Brother and was even the editor for a while. Jenkem interviewed him a while back and got some great stories, one of which Earl has elaborated on for us. Erotic Semi-Skate-Related stories are all the rage at the moment, so sit back and enjoy Earl's special take on the subject. 

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THE WORLD INDUSTRIES SECRETARY
BY EARL PARKER

Sex and the entertainment Industry have always gone hand in hand. Sometimes maybe our work and life experiences would be better off without lame flaxen blondes working at the front desk.

Not really amongst my fondest of memories. I remember “the boss…” notice I’m not naming any names, boned the brunette secretary one night, only to find everyone around the office was discussing it the next day. What else would you think California would be? I guess I had other ideas about lasting relationships. Myself, pretty low on the ladder compared to the California type rich guys, only with some artistic merit to guide my way through reality, managed to arrange an outing around El Segundo, the town by the airport, with some co-workers including the newest secretary. I got down to business pretty quickly, and planted my lips on her in a car's backseat. Next her hand slid down my pants. She had flaxen (light blond) hair, with a kind of wide gauge 19th Century style figure. We made it to the tavern, and Rick Kosick, the Big Brother photographer informed me that one of the older women we were with, wanted to kiss me. I didn’t care. I was in love already, and had been since I first saw this flaxen El Segundo beauty, when I came into the office one day. Weeks later, I went on to find out - around the office on some weekend, that the girl I hooked up with used to go to a Rocco brother’s old house, and get whipped and beaten by some dude. Another guy would do the talking between her and the young man, and I was a purer form of date with feelings. Actually the first time I met the second secretary, I can recount the way she said hello to me: “Hii… Earl;” but if you were there it was weird, kind of like a little exorcist style shit, where she had just been in that strange relationship before going on to meet me. I was more of a real love maker, and looked into her eyes the next morning over Taco Bell. Next we made it to Sean Cliver’s apartment, she flipped on Duran Duran and we got down to business. She scratched my back up really bad, as my teeth slid all over her body and she kept twisting my nipples. I later told Natas Kaupas I’d slept in a forest and been attacked by raccoons, showing him my cuts. The next Monday I walked in and she was sitting there, but I would only goof the whole thing up and never lay her again. Later I found something she’d written on Scotch tape taped to her computer keyboard, something about being in love with me. I wrote some earl parker type stuff below it and pretty much ended the would-be relationship. Next, followed her and I, writing weird stuff about each on wood and stuff all over the office, and the place wasn’t good for working anymore. I think she wrote something 'against me' about how she’s into fast cars at one point. People began getting concerned, and thought I needed to be able to just walk into work again. Rick Kosick simply told me I need to get laid; I guess I was in an opposing state at that moment, stemming from making out with her and stroking her belly on the beach before we began drinking: “You had a fling,” Marc Mckee told me, but I was also still fond of her, and didn’t have the California style attitude yet. One night McKee took me to her apartment when I was drunk on wine, and she didn’t care about me. She was stuck in my mind, and I always thought about her long after she was gone. At the annual skate-tradeshow in San Diego, I approached the World Industries booth and she was working there. I pretended to look at the merchandise while I faintly noticed she saw me and stared while I browsed. Next she was out front and what I saw, clashed with my memories: she was overweight by now, and all my fond memories of her got cancelled out. People told me later on I had probably just been used for sex, and she didn’t care about me.

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