SKATEBOARDERS LIKE DRUGS
All sports have an element of drug use, but none blatantly embrace it like skateboarding.
It is that difficult.
There is no short cut, no drug that makes it easier.
Even Pookie could win the Tour De France with enough crack; the right drugs can help you dominate almost any event, but all the juice in Barry Bond's basement won’t make you skate good.
Some of the best skateboarders in the world remain clean and sober, despite having the freedom to use any performance enhancing substances they choose. On the other side, some of the greatest of all time have been notorious fiends, which has fuelled and ended careers.
So here’s a “sport” that allows you to ingest whatever you want before you compete, and what is the result? Although Nyjah sprinkles steroids on his cornflakes, there still seems to be no noticeable advantage for either drug use or abstinence. The straight edge Christian is standing on the podium, next to the guy that was drinking and smoking blunts for breakfast.
This represents a terrifying concept to be released upon the masses - an idea, that you don’t have to conform to a corporate stereotype in order to be a successful athlete. It’s only a matter of time before Mountain Dew's legal team take this precious freedom away, for now, enjoy the spectacle of free range skateboarding.
So with board graphics, clothes and marketing now prominently featuring drug use; what is this saying to the children?
It became an industry in itself, marijuana graphics are a huge seller; HUF will confirm that a lot of little pot heads wanna rock their shit. You don’t even need to skate to be cool any more, just smoke weed. But commercial viability was never a factor in the past; ever since Dog Town, skateboarding attracted individuals that love to get fucked up. Some went out in a blaze of glory, others are still eating psychedelics and riding their four wheeled wife.
Here are some of the standouts:
He was recently arrested for felony assault of his girlfriend, demonstrating that even sober people enjoy domestic violence.
While incarcerated, Jay found religion; proving that even if you’re a junkie, destined for years of abuse in jail, thinking you’ve finally hit rock bottom... it can still get worse.
Mark 'Gator' Rogowski
So he raped her friend Jessica Bergsten. Then he stuffed her in a surfboard bag, murdered her and buried her in the desert.
The old rape and murder move paid off, his ex didn’t see that one coming.
While in prison, Christian became a Christian. Now he sells religion instead of drugs.
His love of inebriation was still apparent in his most recent appearance on TMZ, where his liberal use of the word nigger was enough to make Eminem cringe.
Who the fuck still smokes PCP?
Along with fellow cannabis users Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt, he is proof that marijuana makes you a lazy, useless cunt.
Stevie is now very rich, he sums up his success aptly -
“...people thought we were just a bunch of cool guys who smoke weed, fuck girls and hang out. Which we are, but we skate...”
His world renowned dedication to mushrooms is inspirational.
Until then remember, drugs might ruin your life.
But they probably won’t - Donni Allum for Muckmouth 2014.